on my mind

anti-capitalistic resolutions, going analog, my style evolution with two children who won't stop vomiting, and other bits and bobs

I can’t help but start these posts with some sort of cliche like “oh, what a year it’s been.” But truly, becoming a mother of 2 was always going to be transformational. And a process that’s impossible to prepare for. It was always going to break me open and turn me into a new version of myself. If you’d like, stick with me on this ramble-y post as I have so much to say about what’s been on my mind and can’t always figure out where to begin. So I’ll just begin.

How about some anti-resolutions for 2026? I guess an anti-resolution isn’t a thing because even if you resist the generic resolutions that are rooted in the capitalism, you’re still resolving to do something. So we’ll call them my anti-capitalistic resolutions.

1. No to Ozempic, no to glp-1s, and no to private companies parading as “health care” trying to sell you on losing 14% of your weight with a magic pill so you’ll have more energy (I’m looking at you Hers). Giving into this weight loss noise that has absolutely gotten out of control only supports white supremacy and I will not let the patriarchy win.

2. “Build an alter for yourself.” I’ve been haunted by this Reel by film maker Danni Juhl (haunted in a good way) from the moment I saw it. My alter for myself is an ode to my boundaries, my intuition, and an homage to what I’ve overcome. Juhl says in her Reel, “I think I will build an alter for myself. I will pray to her before meals, before sleeping, before everything. I will thank her, I will repent, I will obey.” My alter to myself in process below.

Some items currently included in this alter: a picture of me looking cheeky as hell in red lipstick and my signature sound canceling headphones, a picture of 8(?) year old me, favorite fragrances that I put on in the morning AND before I go to bed because I can, one of my needles from my blood glucometer from when I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy with M*, face masks (we use them when one of our children vomits to try to avoid becoming infected…it has yet to work) and a cracked wall from the door being swung open with gusto ten two many times by a spirited 5 year old. Oh, and a candle.

3. Resist AI. No, I do not want you to write this e-mail for me. No, I do not want you to create the post for me. No I do not want you to make me more efficient and a therefore a better cog in your capitalist machine. No. No. No. Chat GPT is literally killing our brain cells. Any attempts to make me go faster in society that profits off of my efficiency can kindly fuck off.

4. No doubt in reaction to the chemical depression I experienced during M’s pregnancy where someone or something quite literally turned the light out on all of my joy, I have resolved to go more analog than ever before. During that depressive spell, all I could manage to do was scroll Instagram. One form of analog life that I’m loving is commonplace journaling. I bought myself a nice Paper Republic A6 journal, filled it with pocket Moleskine notebooks and now I write down even the most seemingly mundane details from my day. I bought an Instax printer so that I can print iPhone photos and paste them into the journals. I print pictures of my daughter’s hair after her braids are taken out and call it religion. I write down that I went to the local coffee shop and read Le Petit 3 newspaper (highly recommend) while sipping a cortado. I print pictures of my kids for the 100th time and put them in my journal and each feels as sacred as the next. It might seem like a time suck, but anything that keeps me off of doom scrolling is a win for me. And, like I’ve already said, efficiency can bugger off. Pictures of the journal below.

on the front of this journal is a July Rose journal charm that says “notice everything”

not cigarettes in the pen holder, those are pencils lol

documented a day date with my husband

4. Most certainly a cliche, but my style has evolved since becoming a mom of two and I’m having a nice time thinking about it. The way I would describe my wardrobe needs now would be utilitarian, offensively oversized, and perhaps profoundly paired down out of necessity due to the added admin of having two children instead of one. Instead of doing some sort of large wardrobe clean out and contemplating new purchases and pinpointing a style that I need to achieve, I’ve decided on a very slow approach: the hanger system. You’ve might have heard of turning the hanger around after you wear something so that over the course of time, you see what you’re actually wearing by how many of your hangers are flipped. I will do this all winter and then sell and donate what’s not being worn. I will do this again as the weather warms. No new purchases at the moment, but plenty of time spent on Pinterest which feels like social media light to me.

Other things

1. I am working on my red cardigan inspired by Ani of Close Knit and many other knitters who made their own Nikki Chasin/Babaa style red cardigan. The project took a back seat to the children (oh the children…how I love them and how I feel like I’m drowning) I’ve begun again and I’m slowly working my way, even if it’s one row per day. When I finished the body it was way more fitted than I thought it would be (don’t @ me I did a swatch), but through a wet block I was able to get the fit I like in the body.

2. Mostly we’re just battling sick season over here. J’s immune system is somewhat stronger after a few winters, but M is getting pummeled and all we can do is snot suck, soothe, clean up vomit and wait until spring. It makes me distressed if the pile on happens (illnesses on top of illnesses, back to back illnesses) because work takes a back seat, but I suppose this is a season, literally and figuratively, and the least of the world’s problems. Fuck ICE.

Other things I’ve been enjoying recently: the Giggly Squad podcast, Alice Hoffman’s book Lessons in Magic, staring at a smiling 7 month old, sock curls and how to take better care of my hair in general, this Lindquist bag I got for Christmas, writing as a daily practice, letting my 5 year old dress in the most deranged way possible, and reading Mary Oliver perhaps in the same way that one might read the bible.

Other things I’ve been thinking about recently: how to get a 7 month old to put food in their mouth, how much Clorox wiping is too much Clorox wiping, how much hand sanitizing is too much hand sanitizing, my gramma who died last week (she’s the one I talked about here and instead of asking her questions, I wrote her a letter that my dad read to her 4 days before she passed that went something like this: “thank you, thank you, thank you”), how people grieve, the passage of time, what happens when we die?, why do we have to die?, why can’t my children be this age forever?, how am I already almost 38?

Thanks for reading?

*I refer to my children by their first initial because what is this world we’re living in? M is my baby, J is my little girl.